Thursday, September 3, 2009

Excuse Me! My Eyes Are Up HERE!

Hello again, my lovelies. I'm in a goofy mood so I thought I'd tackle a subject that can be both fun and frustrating; staring, gawking, ogling, etc. Whatever the term you use, you know what I'm talking about. I very well may regret ever writing this but what the hell. Ya only live once.

Now, I pride myself in being somewhat of an atypical male. Not angelic, just atypical. For the sake of this post, by typical, I would assume women refer to a guy as "a typical guy" for some or all (and maybe more) of the following attributes: Stares at your chest, only talks about sex, acts like he only wants sex, hoots and hollers obscene remarks from a distance, wolf whistles, etc. I've always been kind of proud of myself for not being any of these things. Well, I do my fair share of thinking about sex, but I digress. Incidentally and totally off-topic, I once read somewhere that women have approximately a week during the month where they're super horny. The article then said, "Imagine, if you will, that this week lasted four weeks. Then you'd have more of an understanding of guys."

My initial idea for this blog post was after seeing a guy do a double-take of a girl. It was on TV and was in a club setting, for the record. It got me to thinking. My thinking was more about the 20's-30's women out there. I do know that women of all ages put up with this, but the 20 and 30-somethings do more clubbing and "girls' night out."

When I'm out anywhere with a lot of people around, if I see a gorgeous woman, I do my best to look for as long and as hard as I can get away with, but without being obvious or busted doing so. I love women. I adore women. Women do it too. Don't sit there all smug. They sometimes look at women as well, but I was referring to checking out the guys. "Wrangler butts drive me nuts" was not a phrase first uttered by a man, I dare assume...and it caught on.

Those of you that were blessed (or cursed) with ample bosoms will relate more to all of this than others of you, but all should understand. Anyone who knows me for any length of time will tell you that I am, through and through, an ass man. Oh geez! I could go on and on about that but I won't. A lot of men are boob men and a lot of women get fed up with guys staring at their boobs while talking to them. I tried to think of how I may be able to explain to women why some guys do this. I don't stare at cleavage while talking to you. I do my best to be semi-respectful, but as soon as your head turns, I am so there looking. I am, however, a man and can explain a little about the reasons guys look in the first place.

Most of you ladies out there with breasts likely own a low-cut blouse, a v-neck sweater, something form-fitting or a thing or two of that nature. Unless you're wearing a box, someone, somewhere is gonna look. I've personally seen women checking out other women's boobs and thinking they were being subtle too. Now, assuming this shirt/blouse/top (whatever the hell women call their upper-half attire these days) has any kind of low collar or button-up design, chances are you have cleavage showing to some degree. Some more than others. Some much more than others.

Imagine you're at a public swimming pool and you see a gorgeous guy. He's toned, he's God's gift in your opinion. Not bare, but not hairy. Just the right amount of body hair. This guy just got out of the pool and the weight of his now water-soaked shorts have pulled them down a tad. Walking away from you, you notice the top of his butt crack is showing. If he's "your type" you know you're lookin'. Now, we're getting more to the meat of this post. (Intentional pun...my apologies) Imagine he's walking toward you now, but isn't looking at you. His still-drooping shorts have fallen in the front as well. So far that you can see his happy trail. (For those unfamiliar with this term, it refers to the body hair on a male that starts at his navel and heads downward) His shorts are very, very water-logged and are clinging to everything. You can see the outline of everything and nothing is left to the imagination. Remember, this guy is your definition of perfect and we'll assume you're either wearing dark sunglasses, are semi-hidden or can look right at him (or it) without being noticed. Chances are, you're gonna look. I've talked to many, many women over the years. Women from all walks of life, of all ages and of varying degrees of sexuality. I've also read more than my fair share of articles to, for and by women and have heard a great amount of "girl talk".

Let's go back to women now, but keep that last image in your mind. (Sorry for the guys who are reading. Ya think this is easy for me either?) Now, imagine that guy's less-than-secret view is now one foot or less under his chin. Following me here? If that guy were carrying around a shelf on his chest with his sizable winky presented to you like a freshly-prepared fish, you'd probably look. (Yes. I said winky. I didn't wanna try too hard on humor or get too clinical). This is what guys face. There's basically a line, showing where two breasts meet, right there. Sometimes enough to be able to imagine the covered parts. There, as if presented for viewing, are a pair of soft, heavenly, squishy, s-s-supple, lovable, kissab.......um....okay.....ya get the point. If men were built different and their bulges rested much higher, you dang women folk would be looking too. Some of you do with the current setup. More of you than will likely ever admit.

Now, let's move to the beach. Where do I start. Women running around everywhere in what is basically frickin' skin-tight designer underwear. Why on EARTH would guys look? Throw in a thong or three? Oh.....My.......GOD will I ever stare! All my atypical claims go right out the window at that point. *sigh*

I probably just said what many of you already knew but, assuming it's never been put to you like I just did it, there ya have it. We're human. Some less than others, but all human nonetheless.

Until next time, my friends...



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