Thursday, July 30, 2009

New Rules: Inspired by Bill Maher - First Edition

From time to time I'm going to take a page from a guy who I watch on HBO. His name is Bill Maher. He has a segment at the end of his show called New Rules and, barring copyright infringement, I'm going to make some of my own. These will all be original, not from ol' Bill. If any seem strikingly similar to any of his, it will be completely coincidental. There may, however, be some similar to what a lot of people say/think, but it's my turn to voice 'em.

New Rules:

  • It is no longer cute, adorable, precious, etc when old people dance They look like idiots and they're just gonna keep doing it if someone doesn't tell them. When I'm old, if I live that long, and I get up and start looking like a 'tard, can someone please tell me? I may just test you. If you look in my general direction and see me gyrating in the same fashion as someone having a seizure and don't say anything? I'm gonna shove my cane up your ass. Pray I don't have my walker with me.
  • Stop the inhumane act of naming twins with rhyming names I'm a twin myself and luckily didn't suffer this fate, but can only imagine what it must be like to hear, "These are my sons, Cliff and Biff" or "Bob and Rob". This stopped being cute right around the time they learned how to talk. They have to live with it for the rest of their lives. Being referred to as a set, will invariably traumatize one of 'em. The same goes for similar names as well. For example, Tim and Tom, Fred and Frank, Cheryl and Charlene. Get my drift?
  • Stop creating "nobody loses" teams/sports/events I, and likely all of you reading, have lost at something. It sucks...bad. It may even make you cry or want to run away from home, but damn it, we survived it. There are so many parents today so afraid their little Bobby is gonna get his feelings hurt if he and his team can't hit the side of a barn with a cannon, much less a baseball with a bat. If ya suck at it, find a trainer or find a new hobby. Unless you're getting paid for what you're competing in, it's important that children learn that you don't always get what you want. Not everything in life is handed to you or split evenly among everyone.
  • THINK before you post a video on Youtube (or any video site) I feel so bad for so many young (and, let's face it, not so young) ones today. Primarily, I'll focus on those around the ages of 13-17. With guys, it's usually idiotic stunts or fights, with girls, the list is longer I'm afraid. I could (but won't) point to at least 5 examples of each of these things: Girls "booty-dancing," girls filming each other on the toilet, girls pantsing (aka depantsing) each other, how can I word this next one delicately? This is an adult blog but I'm not sure how crude I wanna get with it yet. Um....well....they expel air from their loins. (Yes, I know the correct term[s], I'm just not gonna go there at the moment). There's a ton of things these poor kids are filming and posting for the world to see. Many are doomed to something we older folks never had to deal with; Internet background checks. My age is some of the reason for this, but I had to include it in my list of New Rules.
  • What happened to that thing called mercy? So often today, we see on the web and the news, kids beating each other with so much fury and unwavering rage that it truly concerns me. Don't get me wrong. I'm no goody-two-shoes, but in my day, people fought primarily with their fists and a kick here and there. Kids today...of ALL ages...are punching long after someone is out cold, doing piledrivers on someone's head when they're down and beating them with the same unadulterated hate that I would liken to finding the person who shot my parents dead. (My parents are alive and well. This is for example only). This is just something I've noticed as a growing trend and thought it deserved a spot here.

New Rules: Gender-Specific - Ladies
  • Stop taking photos from above your head Aside from being middle-aged now and the urge to judge younger generation inherent within, this is to help you. It's primarily young girls who do it. It is common knowledge across the world wide web that this is a slimming camera angle. It's overdone!! It also makes many think you're a whale trying to hide that fact.
  • When taking your photo in a mirror, get the damn thing out from in front of your face I can't begin to count how many photos I see of a bright flash of white, with boobs and a cute belt. Either wait 'til ya have a friend to take a photo of you or get a camera with a viewfinder that you can aim where you want it. It looks like you couldn't find the time to take a photo that actually shows you care what people think.
  • Quit the "I'm a bitch and proud" act From a male standpoint, which coincidentally happens to be my gender, this makes you look like a girl who can't wait to get into a fist fight. It's fine to feel empowered, independent, successful, but you don't have to make it turn you into someone that no man (or many else for that matter) in their right mind would want to associate with.
  • Even spandex has limits I absolutely adore women in spandex...still, but if you haven't seen your feet since you were 12 and you're not pregnant or overly-endowed upstairs, you're too big for spandex!! If you can see your skin tone through the spandex, you're too big for spandex!! If your ass looks like you're hauling a load of cauliflower, you are too big for spandex!!
  • If ya prefer the "bad boy" type, SURPRISE! He's likely gonna be bad I speak from personal experience and from conversations with exes. I've, more than once, been dumped...who hasn't? The ones who are honest about why, can be very revealing. I've had at least three tell me it was because they were looking more for the "bad boy" type. Well, I recently caught up with them and asked them how life had been over the years. Girl #1: Her boyfriend got her and himself thrown in jail. Girl #2: Her ex-boyfriend beat her almost daily and is in and out of jail. Girl #3: Her husband has been to prison. He has punched holes in walls during arguments (Thankfully not hit her) and now tells her where she can and can't go, who she can and can't be around and how to dress. Need I say more?


New Rules: Gender-Specific - Men
  • Put your damn shirt on Being the ever-interested-in-what-women-think kinda guy I am, I pay attention to what women say, write and otherwise share. Taking photos of yourself without a shirt on, especially if your face is out of frame, makes you look like all you care about is your killer, ripped bod. Women see it as shallow and self-loving. When women admire a man's toned upper body, it's usually when he's doing some kind of labor-intensive work where he needs/wants to keep cool...or possibly get a tan. So ya work out? Great. If you're proud of it, wear tighter shirts or shorter sleeves.
  • Admire women more quietly If you see a gorgeous woman across the street, look at her...hell, if you can get away with it, maybe even stare, but don't yell out that you like the swing in her backyard, want her to have your babies, that her looks should be illegal in public, etc etc etc. Whistling as loud as possible and/or crying out at the top of your lungs never, never, never....ever works. If it happens to, then she probably just left after a lengthy "session" with Rocky. Sure, some will go home and think, "Wow...someone found me attractive" but most will be thinking, "He actually thinks I'm gonna perk up and walk over to him? HA!" or, worse yet, actually yell out that she requires at least a 3-incher or that you should take a shower and try again. If you do these things when alone, you're beyond help. If you do it with a group of guys, be the one that has some respect for her....and yourself. Sure, you'll probably go home alone, but if she was across the street and heard a gaggle of idiots, she wasn't going home with any of ya to begin with. Meeting someone on the actual street/sidewalk pretty much only happens in the movies anyway.
  • Stop calling your wife and/or girlfriend your "ol' lady" To put it lightly, it makes ya sound like a prick. Like your wife/girlfriend is no more than property. Unless you're dating your grandmother, ya may wanna leave that out of your vocabulary. Likewise, "the ol' ball and chain" went out when the word "swell" stopped meaning "great" and started referring to what your eye does when your wife or girlfriend punches you.
  • When trying to avoid an argument, "Yes, dear" is not always the right answer My dad, as did many of yours, told me that when ya just don't have the energy to argue or debate, the best answer is "Yes, dear". This works fine when it's a lighthearted disagreement or passing feud. This does NOT, however, work when in a very heated and intense argument. It fuels the fire that is shooting from her eyes. Trust me on this one.
  • Being a mama's boy is good....to a POINT. I'm close to my mother. VERY close to both parents. People admire how close my relationship is with my parents is...BUT...when you start neglecting your damn marriage for their sake, you don't deserve a wife. If you're kissing your mother's ass so deeply that when she speaks it's YOUR breath, you're OVERDOING IT!

I hope these shed some light on some things for some of you. Most everything here is meant in a tongue-in-cheek way so if any of it enraged you...you need to step away from the computer, grab a drink, chug it down, go outside, build a bridge and get over it.

Until next time...


I have implemented a new commenting system. Sadly, in doing so, I inadvertently lost all comments made prior to December 28, 2011. My deepest apologies to those this adversely affected. If it's any consolation, it makes my blog here look pretty darn unvisited over the years.
If this article is still online, I'll still reply to any and all comments that warrant it. Never feel like an article you view here is too old to bother with. Comments are always welcomed!
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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Shock & Awe: Confessions Of A Possible Sicko

This is my first blog post on an account I've had for ages. I felt a bit silly typing out words that, in all likelihood, no one would ever see unless I invited them or a really, really bored search engine spider found it. I have decided to take my chances on the latter and, maybe...at some point, tell some people. Now...on to the meat of the post:


There's few things about me that most people don't know. Outwardly, people know me to be generally kind, witty, intelligent, articulate and a deep thinker. If they don't, they never took the time to find out. Well, my mom, dad, brother and a couple of other people know about the forthcoming topic, but no one else. I'm neither proud nor ashamed of it, but felt it time to share for any who cared to know.


It was 2002. I was absolutely bored to death one day and it took me forever to settle on a subject to "research". Up to this point, every time I had decided to go on a "fact-finding mission" it had been somewhat sexual in nature. I thought and thought and then thought, almost just in passing: "Gore....no....blood and gore!" Thinking I wouldn't find anything (or very little), I typed it in and waited for the results. I was wrong...dead wrong. HA! Terrible pun! I kill me sometimes. <----ANOTHER one. I remember the first site I checked out. This one still exists and will have the honor of being the first-ever link posted on my yet-unknown blog. Its name is Rotten.com. It was the first on the list and far be it for me to skip and jump around. I saw lots of clickable links once I arrived at Rotten and couldn't wait to delve right in. Now, before I continue, let me make clear that regardless of what you may think of me by this point, this topic was not and is not one I did/do for any sort of gratification aside from curiosity. Morbid curiosity and an intrigue at seeing the news behind the news. To this day (7 years at the time of this post), I still feel for many of the victims. If viewing such material has changed me in any way whatsoever, it has been to make me more sensitive, more compassionate and more sympathetic to what goes on all over the world.


That being said, I'll continue. The photos ranged from that of a worker that slipped and fell into a large piece of machinery and crushed. All you could see was the top of his head but it was obvious his days had ended. The machinery was halfway into his head. Then a victim of lightning from the 1920's. The bottoms of his feet, purportedly, had been blown off. (The wording dramatized this one a little more than accurate). His right leg seemed quite cooked and burnt and he was lying on a bed. His eyes are open and don't look to be wide open in a forever-frozen death stare, so I can only assume he survived and posed for the picture. I'm 99% sure this photo was on the site, deep in what would be Rotten's archives, but I just went and looked and found it on their first page. Rotten.com has lost much of its popularity for the morbid and grotesque, primarily based on the fact that they took (and still take) ages to update with new material. The key to any site, forget the content, is keeping the content fresh and they failed miserably at this. Another thing that Rotten did (and many similar sites since) was add porn. I'm not sure why porn was added in with something as "unique" as accident victims, murder victims and the like, but luckily they aren't usually found unless you choose to click on such content.


Now, touching on the types of people you'll find at such sites, aside from myself. You'd be quite surprised at some, not at all by others. You can find policemen, firemen, paramedics, morticians, nurses...tons of regular, everyday people on these sites. Now, you will find the nutjobs that seemingly "get off" on this kind of thing and those who seem to have no heart to speak of. You will also find the kind you find everywhere on the web: Balls of steel, no fear, have never been beaten down, blah blah blah.


The next site I went to I had to register to view. They had a forum and that's where the majority of everyday people would submit and/or comment/discuss the site's content. This site was Goregasm.com. Although this site still exists and where I spent a majority of my early gore-viewing days as well as became pretty close "friends" with quite a few, the site has been run into the ground. Believe me when I say you'd totally be wasting your time if you went there. It's become a ghost town and will remain that way under current management.  This site has closed to new members at last check


Its sister site (owned by same man) was Ogrish.com. This site, by far, was the longest-running and most popular gore site on the net. Its down side was that it had some of the most cruel and heartless people mixed in with the good types I mentioned. It was the place to go to catch something "hot off the presses" in the way of gore. In time, and I don't know every single detail, the owner turned it into a very successful and widely-used media outlet called LiveLeak.com. Ogrish, the former leader in the gore scene has now spawned many spinoff sites.


Another one I thought had true potential (and actually did if you look at fresh content alone) was Kiuma.com. It had some submitters who brought their own resources in for fresh, not-seen-anywhere-else content constantly. It was the usual forum drama that drove me away from there. The site is now gone.







But I have to say that TheYNC is the one I go to daily now. It has up-to-date and fresh new content every day -- even some weekends.

Many sites' videos will show up on other gore/shock sites.


Believe it or not, it was this paragraph here that was my original reason for even starting this blog post. I'm now going to discuss the biggest, baddest, sweeping-the-net videos that can be found on the web and tell you my personal opinions of them and provide links when possible and or applicable. You click these, and all the other links I've posted, at your own risk. These sites aren't for the squeamish, nor are the videos I'm about to mention. I'll try my best to do them in chronological order from memory and with what little research I feel like doing:

  • Chechclear: This video was the first "big thing" (that I can recall, anyway) in the shock and gore community. It features a Russian soldier being beheaded by Chechen rebels. The knife was plunged into the side of his neck while a boot stood firmly on his head. The executioner then proceeded to saw the knife outward, cutting off his head. The victim was 19 year old Evgeniy Rodyanov. (Contrary to the beliefs of those who have never viewed beheadings, they are not the swift chops and guillotines from the days of old. They are brutal, painful and much more gruesome. They are usually done with a sharp knife or machete and done so in a sawing motion. There is far more pain and suffering with this method and it takes a "unique" type of person to have the lack of a conscience to perform this act). Update: It turns out that I may have been wrong about all of the details of this one. But, that being said, you can find the new and updated details, plus a whole lot more, in my new book.

  • Traingirl (as well as many other names): This developed this name because of the popular misconception that the victim was a girl when in fact it was 41-year-old Mary T. Wojtyla. She is walking with her lawyer in front of a train at rest. They then began to jog a bit, not realizing there was a train coming on the next rack. Her lawyer realized it in time, Ms. Wojtyla did not. The video features her trying to stop after it was too late, the train hits her and she flies out of frame, killed instantly.

  • 2 Girls 1 Cup: This one is not gore. It's simply sick, but a viral video across the globe. It has spawned many videos of viewers' reactions as well. It features two fairly attractive Brazilian women who start a beautiful, sensual (depending on whether or not girl-on-girl does anything for you) kiss and the sucking of a breast and then it all goes straight to hell from there. Suddenly there is a glass held under one of their rectums which quite disgustingly and quite massively unloads into said glass. The rest of the video is consumption of said load and let's just say vomit comes into play.

  • Mr. Hands: This one features Kenneth Pinyan. He had a thing with stallions. He liked to be sodomized by them. Well, in July of 2005, as a friend videotaped, he was given what he desired and as a result, died of a perforated colon.

  • The Dagestan Massacre: This one is pretty darn hard to watch, even for veterans of the gore scene. It features 6 Russian soldiers, all around the age of 18, who were captured while guarding a small village. They were poorly trained and were captured as a result. Their captors were Chechen Mujahedeen and showed absolutely no mercy in beheading all but one of them. The one in question broke free and ran for his life but was found and shot dead. This one is particularly shocking in the fact that their captors seem so nonchalant about it. Even laughing at times. It also includes some of the most heart-wrenching cries for mercy and those of pain that I've seen.

  • 2 Guys 1 Hammer: (Also referred to as 3 Guys 1 Hammer and The Dnepropetrovsk Maniacs): This video features the closest thing to true snuff that the Internet has yet to provide. Three teenagers in Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine are seen in a leaked video they filmed themselves, of them committing 1 of a total of 21 brutal murders that they were charged with. It is the single most shocking example of complete lack of a conscience, and respect for human life that I have ever seen. Three teenagers brutally slam a hammer into this man's face, stab his stomach and eyes with a screwdriver and then finish their "fun" with hammer blows to the side of the head. No matter how easily you were able to watch any other video I've mentioned here, this one will stay with you for ages.

  • 1 Guy 1 Jar (and a few other names): This video features a man who thought it would be an extreme turn-on to insert a pickle jar into his rectum. Just before it's fully inserted, disaster strikes and it ain't pretty.



That was the list of the most memorable and viral videos in the shock and gore genre. Take them as warnings or as a gateway into a new morbid curiosity that you may or may not think you had in you.

There are some I didn't mention. They are just as shocking, memorable and heart-wrenching as any listed above. I believed they deserved their own list. Not because one life is more valuable than another, but because these videos were/are made primarily for one reason; as a warning to others. If you've lived life above ground over the last few years, you know that there is a war going on in Iraq. There have been journalists and contractors, among many soldiers and security forces there, that have gone to Iraq to do something to help document or help rebuild the country. Right or wrong, we're there and some feel compelled to help them if/when they need and want it. Some answered that call and paid for it with their lives.

Below is a partial list of some of the victims and a brief summary about each. Before I get to that list, let me say that this list will be far from complete. The reason is that the sad truth is this: Extremist Muslim groups kill at, what seems to most outsiders, the drop of a hat. They kill many of their own race and religion as well as any "infidel" that dishonors them, their religion, their loyalty, etc. I have seen many, many beheadings and one is just as hard to see as the next. There are simply too many beheadings that have graced the pages of the world wide web to include them all. Below are the more infamous. With help from Wikipedia, on to the list...
  • Daniel Pearl:
    (October 10, 1963 – February 1, 2002) was an American journalist who was kidnapped and murdered in Karachi, Pakistan. At the time of his kidnapping, Pearl served as the South Asia Bureau Chief of the Wall Street Journal, and was based in Mumbai, India. He went to Pakistan as part of an investigation into the alleged links between Richard Reid, the shoe bomber, and Al Qaeda and Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI). He was subsequently beheaded by his captors.
    --In July 2002, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh, a British national of Pakistani origin, was sentenced to death by hanging for Pearl's abduction and murder.
    --In March 2007, at a closed military hearing in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed said that he had personally beheaded Pearl.

  •  Nicholas (Nick) Berg: (April 2, 1978 – May 7, 2004) was an American businessman seeking telecommunications work in Iraq after the US invasion of Iraq. He was abducted and later beheaded according to a video released in May 2004 by Islamic militants. The CIA claimed that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi personally beheaded Berg.

    The decapitation was released on the Internet, reportedly from London to a Malaysian hosted homepage by the Islamic organization al-Ansars. His killers claimed that his death was carried out to avenge abuses of Iraqi prisoners by U.S. soldiers at Abu Ghraib prison. This beheading and its accompanying video are somewhat controversial. Besides the obvious reason, many claim the video shows signs of Berg already being deceased prior to his beheading and audio edited in afterward.
  • Eugene Armstrong: a contractor for the construction firm Gulf Supplies Commercial Services of the United Arab Emirates, was kidnapped on September 16, 2004. He was beheaded on September 20, 2004 by the Tawhid and Jihad militant group. Abu Musab al-Zarqawi admitted that he personally beheaded Armstrong.
  • Jack Hensley: (September 22, 1955 – September 21, 2004) A colleague of Eugene Armstrong's, he was an American engineer from Marietta, Cobb County, Georgia, near Atlanta. While working in Iraq he was kidnapped and beheaded by terrorists.
  • Kenneth Bigley (UK): (22 April 1942 - 7 October 2004). A colleague to Jack Hensley and Eugene Armstrong, he was from Liverpool, England and was a civil engineer who was kidnapped in the al-Mansour district of Baghdad, Iraq on September 16, 2004. The three men were working for Gulf Supplies and Commercial Services, a company working on reconstruction projects in Iraq. After Bigley's death, it was claimed that the British Secret Intelligence Service (commonly known as MI6) had launched a rescue operation that had allowed Bigley to escape for a brief period, but he was recaptured at a roadblock, taken back to the Tawhid and Jihad safehouse, and beheaded shortly afterwards.

These are the most "infamous" beheading videos. They barely scratch the surface, however, of the amount out there. A more complete list of the many victims and their stories can be found here.



I've tried to give you some insight into one of the more, dare I say, mature minds of someone who views and has viewed these kinds of things. Many people slow down when passing an accident scene on the highway. I, metaphorically, slow down more...and stop. What the human body can go through (and become) fascinates me. What a human being is capable of doing intrigues me. The overall human condition that we so often only hear about, I seek out. I'm, otherwise, not so different from any of you. I hope I've helped you understand the thought process and reasoning that lies within those (like me) who are able to view such atrocities and tragedies. I consider myself quite normal. This, however, is relative. I leave it to you. Thanks for reading.

Because of the constant rise and fall of these types of sites, the links I had provided for viewing and/or download were constantly having to be updated. In order to try and rectify this, I have removed them. As stated above, most, if not all, of the videos mentioned in this article are available to view free on quite a few web sites.

Until next time...

UPDATE: January 6, 2015

I've now written an ebook that includes the stories above as well as many, many more! Nowhere else online will you find all of the information provided within -- all in one place. At over 22,000 words, it will provide you with the details of many more of the most viral videos found online in this genre.

If you've enjoyed this blog post, you'll definitely enjoy the ebook! Click one of the links below to buy now! 

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/506649

For Kindle and Kindle for PC, click here. For iPad, Nook, PDF and others, click here. For a physical copy, click here.


I have implemented a new commenting system. Sadly, in doing so, I inadvertently lost all comments made prior to December 28, 2011. My deepest apologies to those this adversely affected. If it's any consolation, it makes my blog here look pretty darn unvisited over the years.
If this article is still online, I'll still reply to any and all comments that warrant it. Never feel like an article you view here is too old to bother with. Comments are always welcomed!
Scroll down to comment
If you attempt to comment and it fails or you see an error message, please email me immediately.