Greetings, my little interweb friends. It's nearly four in the morning and I can't sleep.
As you well know by now, I surf the web a lot. Aside from catching up with the latest headlines and interesting news stories, I look at breasticles, asses and all things connected to the ladies that are usually covered by clothes. Aside from that, I look for shit to make me laugh. It can be humor or it can be laughing at sheer idiots. It's the latter that shall elicit my wrath this fine morning.
Tattoos:
Let me guess; you think I'm about to talk shit about people who get tats, right? Well, you'd be wrong. It's what some people gets tattoos of that I'm about to get all kerfuffled over!
- People who get their names tattooed on themselves - I don't know about you, but I've known my name for at least a few years. Ya know what did the trick? A couple of things: 1) Writing it in school so the teachers would know who rightfully earned that "F" grade, and 2) People have called me by it all of my life. Well, most of the time it was my name they used. Getting a tattoo of your own name, whether it be first or last name, makes you look like a total fucktard who is trying to "represent" in a world where no one gives two shits.
- People who get others' names tattooed on themselves - Before you get your labia in a bunch, I am most certainly not talking about those who do it in memory of a loved one or their children! The ones I'm talking about are the ones who get their boyfriend or girlfriend's name permanently etched into their wastes of skin. The good news is ya won't only have to worry about screaming out the wrong name during
sexBible study, (because you see it every-damn-day) but your lover is gonna have the pleasure of seeing it, day in and day out, too. Check that sandwich that she so graciously just offered to make you. It's likely to contain boogers and/or poopie particles!
- People who get celebrities' names/faces tattooed on themselves - I don't know how to break this to some of you people but...while the band members or celebs themselves may be flattered, they also think you're a total fucking idiot! Celebs come and go and no matter how big they are when ya get the tat, they shall fade eventually. The tat? Not near as much fading. I can't even begin to recall how many starstruck teenie-boppers have done this. How dumb they must feel when they start growing pubes. Although it's usually girls I've seen do it, they're not alone. This Einstein got a fucking Miley Cyrus tattoo!! A girl whose name is becoming more synonymous with has-beens the world over that, as she ages, thinks her shit doesn't stink and she's above the law. How drunk do you have to be to do that? Of her, of all people?!? And it's not even her face...it's her name!
Implants:
Again, before you assume, I am the son of one and the brother of another breast cancer survivor. Implants for the replacement of any body part lost due to illness or accident, is not included here. I'll even go so far as to not include women who get implants to go from ultra-small to "average". It's a sad fact that, in way too many locales, breast size is in direct correlation to perceived beauty.
- Breast implants - If you're a C or D cup (in America, I mean. I don't have the first clue about "elsewhere's" ways of measuring bahoobies) and decide to go bigger? Welcome to Retard Nation! It's a common misconception that men don't care about or listen to women, but how many times in your life have you heard a large-breasted woman complain of back pain? Of shoulder pain? Bra strap pain? Helloooooo!?! Wanting to be more "normal" is one thing. Wanting to become an abomination is where I, and many others, lose all respect for you.
- Ass implants - I don't know what in the name of fuck happened while I was asleep, (for apparently half a generation) but in my day women wanted smaller asses! Where the hell do you think, "Does this make my ass look big?" came from? I could probably understand if water runs from your lower back straight to the floor without even grazing your ass. Hell, I'd probably wanna fix that too! But to go out and spend good money on making your ass arrive 30 seconds after you to any given destination? Uh....no! I dare say the ass wasn't designed for a place to set your drink. It was designed to merely cushion one's bones whilst sittin' on the john or to keep yours and your loverboy's skeletons from knocking together while you
take it from behind!receive the Heimlich maneuver.
- Horns & other transdermal implants - Okay! I get it! There are those out there that want to stand out from the crowd and possibly make money being a......an......um....a freak! I hate odd shit justified under the guise of so-called "performance art". You look like the product of Satan raping a capuchin monkey!
Hair implants - Unless you're a woman, please...please...PLEASE STOP! Number one, you aren't fooling a soul and, number two, it doesn't really bother anyone but the superficial among us, and you! Before you judge me and tell me what a dick I am, you should probably know that I'm thinning on top myself. I don't like it. Matter of fact, I hate it! But, ya know what? It's absolutely normal. I remember when I was fairly young, I noticed one of my uncles had a rather large bald spot on the upper back of his head. I literally remember actually thinking, "It doesn't look bad. If that ever happens to me, I'm gonna have to remember that it's gonna look much worse to me, than anyone else." Although it makes me feel like I look older than I should, it's not like I have a dick growing out of my forehead!
Hairstyles:
Another trend I apparently slept through; current hairstyles. (Or should I say, lack thereof) This one is probably gonna get me slammed because it's pretty widespread, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. It seems that somewhere along the line of passing on one generation to another, I turned into my father. Don't get me wrong; my father's a man I respect and admire for many things, but what I mean is the "newer" generation makes me wanna slap somebody. In my day, long hair was the rebellious and/or daring style to try. I had hair down to the middle of my back. Also in my day, the mullet was born. Thankfully it died with my never having taken part. What drives me nutso is that it seems that one day, some guy with apparent trend-setting capabilities, woke up late, didn't have time to style his hair (or did and the wind ate it for lunch) and said, "Fuck it!" I'm gonna forgo labels I wanted to make up for each one, but here's some examples:
;o) I'm outta here, folks!
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